Get ready. Mom is stacking dough.
Whoo! Making cheddar.
And I'm bringing home the bacon.
Oh, and here's some fruit. I don't have nothing cool to say about that.
Good morning.
[Wesley] Aha! There she is.
- First day of school. - Wow. Looking good in that uniform, Sky.
I know. I feel like Hermione Granger.
- Who? - How am I related to you people?
Yo. My manager just called me with the best news ever.
- What? - They're making a movie about my life.
- [all] What? Wow. - Yes. All the way from my days
in Hollis, Queens, to world domination.
Look. I just posted this press release for my fans.
Wow! "MC Joe Speed movie on fast track."
- There. - Well, I'm gonna repost that.
- Tag me. - I already tagged you.
Someone tag me!
Oh, no freaking way.
Okay, Mom. We don't have to play tag.
No, it's this comment.
"He doesn't deserve a movie about his life.
Guess what, MC Joe Speed. Nobody cares, oh, no."
Mom. Breathe.
Blinking. Blinking would be good, too.
It's just a troll, Mom.
Wait. There's gonna be trolls in Dad's movie? Awesome!
- What are you doing, Jus? - Nothing.
Give me my phone.
Not till I clap back at Jersey Girl 25.
- Oh, so you guys get to play tag. - Get my phone.
Ha.
- Sorry, Mom. - You're gonna be sorry.
Jus, you was doing so good.
Yeah, come on, Mom. It's been years since you flamed Jackson 242
for dissing Dad's album cover.
That psycho had it coming.
He was only 12 years old.
Remember what Judy the psychologist said.
[all] "Haters are gonna hate. You don't have to retaliate."
Jersey Girl 25 attacked my husband in my own home.
Besides the fact that it never happened,
you do not have to defend me on social media.
Joey, when someone says something hurtful about you,
- it hurts me. - I know.
But I just got this good news and you're letting this one troll ruin it.
Why is everyone being so mean to trolls?
"Haters gonna hate, but you don't have retaliate."
♪ Ooh! All about the Washingtons ♪
♪ It's like this, y'all ♪
If a triangle has a perimeter of 50 and two of its sides are equal,
and the third side is five more than the equal sides,
what is the length of the third side?
[flipping pages]
Oh, great. Our new student. Yes, Skyler.
Skyler.
Okay. Anyone else?
Cornell School of Agriculture.
Volunteer fire fighter.
Classical pianist. Who is this guy?
- What you doing? - Uh, just, uh...
looking up your movie. Lots of exciting buzz.
Oh, there actually is exciting buzz about your movie.
What does it say?
Uh...Chris Rock gave you a shout-out.
Whoa! Let me see. Ah.
My man. I'm gonna shout back at him. Wait...what?
What the heck is this?
Account suspended for harassing members.
I ain't harassed nobody.
Justine!
Jus? I just tried to log onto my account.
You wanna guess what happened?
I'm not playing your guessing games, and I don't know who you think you are.
Your husband.
- You can't just waltz in my room... - Our room.
...and accuse me of something I didn't do.
Did do?
[sighs] Okay, fine. I did it.
I got your account suspended.
How? What did you say?
Nothing.
I just politely asked Jersey Girl 25 for her home address.
And why would you need that?
- Give her a little gift basket. - Of what?
Mini muffins?
Justine.
Okay, fine. A basket of beatdown.
I knew it.
I just don't like that these people can mouth off,
and I don't know where they live.
Again, remember what Judy the psychologist said.
I'm sick and tired of Judy. I wouldn't mind knowing where she lives either.
I got a basket for her, too.
Until further notice, you're banned from all technology,
and I'm changing all our passwords to our devices.
What if somebody needs to get in touch with me?
I hope you have two cans and a long string.
Oh, hey, there you are. Just confirming something real quick.
We're on the same page. You know how in Straight Outta Compton,
Ice Cube's son played his father?
- Dope. - Well, I'm in. You ain't even gotta ask.
Actually, I do. What are you talking about?
I'm gonna play you in the movie.
Wes. You can't just say you're gonna play somebody in a movie
and it just happens.
[chuckles] Oh, right.
You don't want it to seem I got it just 'cause I'm your son.
Well, it's not gonna seem like you got it 'cause you had an audition,
or got an agent, or showed any interest in acting.
You know what? You're right. We gotta nail down our narrative.
No, Wes, you're not hearing me. If you're gonna be an actor,
you have to actually put in some work. You understand?
Yeah, I understand. But before I put any real time into this,
can we maybe talk a little bit about my compensation?
[clapping hands] All right. A conversation for another time. All right.
Okay, let's see. Walk The Line.
Coal Miner's Daughter. Ray.
A lot of these movies about musicians end up winning Academy Awards.
Okay. Don't bring up the Oscars. Trolls got robbed.
Hey, Sky, how was your first day?
Horrible. I raised my hand, but then, everyone stared at me, and I froze.
You didn't know the answer?
Please. This wasn't even hyperbolic geometry.
We're talking basic Euclidean stuff.
But you're actually good at Eucli...
Euclide...
math.
I couldn't speak.
And as the day went on, it got worse and worse.
I didn't talk at all. Not once.
They never heard my voice.
It was your first day. Give it time.
I don't have time. If I don't talk by tomorrow,
I'm officially the new girl who never talks.
Maybe you just need some practice talking in front of a group of kids.
But we don't have a group of kids.
No, but we got Daevon.
We got your old stuffed animals. We can get some mops
and put some hats on them.
Or I have a group of kids.
- What? - I'm teaching my coding class tonight.
They're all girls your age; the perfect place for you to practice.
- That's a great idea. - [Daevon] Man!
I was gonna be the smartest kid in that stuffed animal class.
Maybe.
Okay.
"Platinum...Grammy."
[dings]
Dang.
Hmm..."Triple...Platinum...Album."
[dings]
What?
Of course. "I Love Justine."
[dings]
Boy, you could earn so many points with that one.
♪ Mm-hmm! ♪
What the heck is this?
Come on. It's like looking in the mirror, right?
A time machine mirror.
Dad. What else would they have to see? Now they have to let me play you.
Are you serious?
You think if you dress up like me, back in the day, you'll get the part?
Huh. I'm not really sure what the correct answer is, so I'll go with...
yes.
No. You have to know how to act like I did, too.
What? Dad, that's the easy part. Look. Check it.
♪ Yo. Yo. Yo. It's 1983 ♪
♪ I live in Queens and I really, really Wanna be a rapper ♪
Word!
[laughs] Was you feeling that? 'Cause I thought that was dope.
Dude, you're not even close man. You're embarrassing yourself.
Find some videos,
do some research and give me back my chain.
- But, Dad... - Chain.
[scoffs] And I should take that tracksuit.
You gotta earn those stripes.
Okay, can anyone tell me the worst case run time of Quicksort is?
How about you, new girl?
If she don't know the answer, I do.
Give her a chance, Brianna.
Go ahead, new girl.
Why don't you start by telling us your name?
Skyler.
Girl. Speak up. Can't nobody hear you.
Miss Washington, what up with her? She part mouse or something?
Skyler.
Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself,
about how you were home schooled?
Come on.
You wouldn't shut up on the way over here, complaining about my driving.
Why you were out with the teacher?
Miss Washington, is she your kid?
No.
All right. She's my little sister.
I'm just trying to help her get over her fear of speaking in class.
Okay. Y'all in here perpetrating.
I used to get real quiet any time people were around me, too.
I used to get real quiet any time people were around me too.
- Really? - You gotta leave all that boojee behind.
Squirrel this away for later. Don't sweat what people think.
Some fool might trip. I'm a'ight.
Some might throw shade.
I'm a'ight.
No matter what happens, I'm a'ight. You feel me?
Yes. Yes. I think I do.
You do?
This really helped. Thanks, Brianna.
Oh, by the way, Veronica, the answer is big O N squared.
Okay. Game recognize game.
- She's smart. - She is.
She's sitting in the backseat on the way home, though.
Ugh! I give up. This guy's a genius.
Wait a minute.
Hey, Athena.
[Athena] How can I help you?
I would like to send out a tweet.
Whom would you like to tweet?
Oh, we in business now.
Jersey Girl 25.
I'm sorry, my master Joey has restricted all tweets
to Jersey Girl 25.
Nice try.
Now, with a 30, 60, 90 triangle,
if the hypotenuse is six,
what is the length of the shortest side? Anyone?
Skyler.
Yes, Skyler.
Are you okay?
I'm a'ight.
I'm sorry. You're...?
I said, I'm a'ight.
I'm gonna be true with you.
The answer is three.
For real though. A'ight?
Um, sure.
Three is correct. That's very good, Skyler.
Well, if you're gonna do something, you gotta know what came before you.
The only reason why I would watch this. What is it?
Coal Miner's Father?
Daughter.
[sighs] Not exactly my cup of tea, but when I do something,
[groans] I do it all the way.
[whimpers] I know.
What are you guys doing?
Research.
Yeah, okay.
- Hey! - Dude, are you crazy?
Don't you ever change the channel of a retired man's TV.
No guys, you gotta see this.
I was searching YouTube for Dad's old videos
and I found some incredibly rare footage.
Now you're in a gray area. Proceed.
- All right, check it. - [beeps]
[hip hop music playing]
♪ You made your paper and you major You got flavor for days ♪
♪ Crazy money and the honeys And a craze on the maze ♪
♪ Play for meister, puts the price up Lights your lights up for days ♪
♪ You got biceps on your triceps ♪
♪ Life's a life set ablaze 'Cause you's a star ♪
♪ That's who you are ♪
♪ Yeah, you's a star ♪
♪ T-T-That's who you are ♪
♪ Mm-hmm ♪
So, I mean, like, uncanny, right?
You look nothing like me.
What are you talking about? I studied all your old videos.
You think if I looked that stupid, we'd be in a house this fly?
Hey, guys. [sighs]
Wes, I gotta talk to your sister. You are dismissed.
What's up, Sky?
Well, I finally spoke in class today.
- That's good. - That's good.
Except, I spoke like Brianna.
- Who? - My student Brianna from Bed-Stuy?
Yeah. It's like that pep talk she gave me just got into my head somehow.
And once I started talking like her, I had to stick with it.
And it wasn't just during class. I did it during lunch.
"These fish sticks are no joke, player."
I did it during recess.
"Peep game. I'm gonna blast this cake ball. You feel me?"
I did it to the principal.
"What's up, big dog Hodges? Hella good day up in this piece."
Okay. This is officially the weirdest problem
I've ever heard of in my life.
That's who they think I am now. I'm stuck,
and I have a very limited street vocabulary.
None of this would have happened
if you'd just went with Daevon and the hatted mops.
Hey, De-de, you wanna play some games on your iPad, like we used to?
Yeah, sure. What do you wanna play?
Let's see.
Let's look on the App Store.
Hmm, maybe Twitter?
Twitter? That's not a game.
You're right, it's not,
and that's exactly what I'm trying to teach somebody.
Mom, isn't this what everyone was telling you, you're not supposed to do?
De-de, do you want somebody out there saying bad things about your dad?
No! Dad's the best!
I know, and all I wanna do is find her address
and teach her how to put some respect on his name.
And her address is on Twitter?
No. That's the problem.
I only have her username, and I can't get it from that.
Yeah. You probably need to be a computer genius to figure that out.
Someone like Veronica.
She won't help me.
Well, maybe you should take her class.
Maybe I should.
I'll play with you later.
We're gonna keep working on our path finding algorithms.
I'll come round and check your progress.
Hey, baby girl.
Mom.
- What are you doing here? - Are you serious?
Isn't a mother allowed to randomly, for no reason at all,
just drop by to see her daughter?
- I guess. - Great.
Can't wait to see you do your stuff.
Oh, is it okay? I double parked outside. That's good, right?
No, you're gonna get towed.
[sighs] Can you come and move it with me?
'Cause you know this area way better than I do.
I can't leave my class alone, Mom.
Hmm...You're right.
I'll watch them. Thanks, hon.
Okay, girls, we don't have a lot of time here.
Who wants to earn... [chuckles] extra credit?
[cackles]
Our target goes by the Twitter handle Jersey Girl 25.
And this goes to the first girl
who can tell me where she lays her head at night.
- Found her IP address. - Okay.
- Found her name. - All right now.
Found her home address, girl.
Whoo, we got ourself a winner!
And listen, hey, I gotta little hush money.
Okay. Here you go.
Here you go. Hush. Okay.
Hush.
Okay, Jersey Girl 25.
Let's see what you think about my man's movie now.
A'ight now, this goes up here, you feel me?
Is it equal on both sides? Yas!
And this right here,
- hundo. - No.
- Yas. - But those numbers don't add up.
Yes, they do. They unequivocally do
because when a segment is bisected,
the two resulting segments are always going to be congruent.
Uh, I mean,
a'ight. For real though,
you feel me, dawgs?
Boomtown?
Skylar, what's happening here?
Nothing, girl. I'm straight.
Okay, fine.
This uncool, boring, regular way is how I actually talk.
I know. I was too nervous to speak in class on my first day,
and when I finally did, someone else's voice came out of me.
But this...is the real me.
A weird kid who's...
been home schooled her whole life.
Well, that was unusual,
but I think I speak for all of us when I say,
we're looking forward to getting to know the real you.
Thanks, Mrs. Chadwick.
And, we'd never, ever want you to feel intimidated in any way.
- Right, class? - Yeah.
Thanks, guys.
Although, I wouldn't say intimidated, really.
I mean, none of you can even do a simple proof.
Even your grasp of beginning calculus seems a little over-reliant
on the teacher's edition, you know what I mean?
Hey, you said you wanted to get to know the real me.
So, did they cast me in the movie yet?
Yeah, and they shot it, and you're a genius,
and you got the Oscar. Congratulations!
Very funny, Dad. Don't make jokes about my career like that.
[sighs] Career? Dude, do you have any idea how hard it was for me to make it?
Here I am in Jamaica Park saying, "Yo, let me get on the mic.
Let me do one rhyme. Let me do one verse."
Nobody handed me nothing, man. I can't just hand you, your career.
Do you understand?
Wow, yeah. I get it.
Good.
Here I am in Jamaica Park like, "Yo, let me get on the mic.
Let me do one rhyme. Let me do one verse.
Man, nobody gave me nothing!"
Wesley!
That was actually pretty good.
So I got the job?
Job? There's not even a script yet. You know what?
When I get the script, I'll let you do an audition.
Oh! Oh, thank you. Thank you. Dad. Thank you so much.
I won't let you down.
I'm telling everybody.
Telling everybody?
Dude, didn't you just hear me? There's no script yet.
Will you please look up on how movies are made?
[Athena] Looking up how movies are made.
The first stage of film production is...
Shut up, Athena.
I gotta tell you, Jus, Wes has gotten me down to a T.
I'm starting to think it ain't so crazy having him play me in the movie.
That'd be perfect 'cause Zendaya's gonna play me,
and they make a cute couple.
- That's true. - Babe,
I'm really, really excited about your movie.
- Good you didn't let some troll spoil it. - [doorbell rings]
You know, I got that out of my system.
Good.
- Hey, Angie. - Hi, Justine.
- How are you? - Oh, I'm well, thank you.
Good. Come on in. Joey, this is my friend Angie.
Hey, how are you?
You may know her by her other name, Jersey Girl 25.
Justine, can I talk to you in the...
Okay. Okay.
You know what? Make yourself comfortable.
[sighs]
How did you find her, and why did you bring her here?
Are you gonna try to kill her?
Jus, do not bring me into your sick plan.
I did go to her house,
and I was ready to give her the beatdown of all beatdowns.
Vaseline on your face and everything?
You know that. But then, she invited me in. We started talking.
Do you know she has to take care of her sick mother
and deal with her deadbeat ex-husband?
- How would I know that, Jus? - Anyway, you could see why she has
to blow off all that steam.
And you wouldn't believe it, Joey. She's a sweetheart.
- So, you're friends now? - Yeah!
This is so you. No matter how much you try to hate somebody,
- you end up making them your best friend. - That's why you love me.
I can't deny it.
Hey, you guys, I don't mean to stir things up,
but Jersey Girl 25 just tweeted a picture of the two of you
that looks like it was taken, right now, inside our house.
#beauty and the beast?
Angie!
Oh, Anj...
[theme music playing]